


The Lusus Disease

by SchrodingersKitten



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adult Trolls, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Angst, As In She Cant Actually Smell Colors, Emotionally Screwed Up Karkat, Fluff and Angst, I tried to do a slow burn but then I stayed up too late, Like this is not gentle, Lusus Fluke, Medical Procedures, Might be smut eventually, Multi, Pale Romance, Parasitic Lusus Disease, Spaceships, Suicidal Thoughts, Surgery, Terezi Had Synthesia, Weird Troll Albinism, Xenobiology, but like early chapters is basically all angst, like guys do not underestimate the amount of angst, synthesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:43:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SchrodingersKitten/pseuds/SchrodingersKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya Maryam, recently recruited into the Alternian Navy as Bonecutter, finds herself bunking with a diseased mutant with some serious issues, and she finds herself wondering if she's strong and smart enough to solve all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by http://isozyme.tumblr.com/post/31308618146/free-biologist-services-lusii

Kanaya Maryam was cramming for her examination. She had worked, what, five sweeps now? For this. She had read up on beneficial and malicious mutations, she knew how to reattach a limb or how to connect a cybernetic prosthesis. She had practiced treating trolls lost in the desert for exposure, dissected lusii, and at one point she had vivisected a wriggler.

And yet her eyes hovered over one passage of her schooling book. Lusus flukes. The parasitic organisms that follow trolls their entire life cycle, hatching in the stomach of the mother grub and passing from wiggler to lusus, sending it the signals to care for troll young. In a lusus, they live for about fifteen sweeps, dragging their dying host to the mouth of the mother grub, so the adults can be eaten and the whole cycle repeats.

In the past twenty sweeps or so, there's been an alarming amount of adult trolls displaying symptoms of fluke infection. An investigation was launched, and it was found that free range food grubs had been let loose in the brooding caverns, allowing these parasites into the Alternian food supply. Adults infected have all pigment, excluding that of their blood, bleached from their body, turning them solid white. Fortunately, taking a troll host is fatal to the fluke, and they are killed before they can drive trolls to suicide at the maw of the mother grub. 

The effects on trolls contracting such parasites as adolescents was, quite honestly, fascinating. Their eyes filled in earlier and brighter, due to the pigment breakdown in the iris, sometimes filling up their entire eye; the trolls will be ravenous and insatiable, forced to support a parasite trying to accumulate enough nourishment from their body to mature; they will be hopelessly loyal, choosing to die for their fellow soldiers, ferociously dedicated to those they serve. Their sheer loyalty saves them from the dishonor of culling, and many of those who survived Alternia are now among the elite in the Empirical Navy.

She closed the book, looking down at her own lusus. How much longer died she have? Ten sweeps? Five? She would be left on the homeworld. She would serve no purpose in the ranks of the bonecutters. As it were, she was resting in the blistering heat of the Alternian sun.

 

Three weeks passed. Kanaya had aced her examination. She was one of the Empire's field surgeons. Tonight was the night Kanaya Maryam, nine sweeps old, Bonecutter of the Eighth Cohort of the Seven hundrenth and sixth legion, was being sent off planet. She stood in line for five hours in the bitter cold of the second dark season, a gloom visible over the horizon. Slowly, inch by inch, she was moved forward. A pair of moirails were in front of her, joking annoyingly. She simply wanted to tell the world to shut up, to let her relax in her home before being shipped to battle, but she kept her composure. The moirails boarded their ship, handing over the papers to show they were enlisted together. It was Kanaya's turn. The blueblood manning the desk asked for her hand. She gave it. A blood sample was taken, Jade rolling down the side of the small glass vial. “Name?”  
“Kanaya Maryam.”  
“Cohort and Legion?”  
“Eighth and Seven hundred and Sixth.”  
“Rank?”  
“Bonecutter.”  
“Empirical ID Number?”  
“76438-905434-4869320.”  
“Step to your left. You are to board the Transporter Grey.”  
There was another line, this one thankfully shorter. It took her about five minutes to board the Transporter. It's name was apt; it's original captain chose to remain hemoanonymous, a greenblooded man who had a hard enough time keeping up with his superiors. Everything on board was made to be hemoanonymous, except the graffiti drawn in marker by young trolls lining the halls, mostly subjuggulator purple. 

They were called to meeting. Kanaya watched the trolls she passed. Four or five of them had the Lusus fluke, their skin and hair a solid white, their eyes staring back at her, blue, green, yellow, burgundy. They all gathered in the Dining Block, a large space with lined with metal tables. At the front there was an area where the food would be served by the cooks, and in the back there was a stage. On this stage was a purpleblood, face painted black and white, with streaks in her blood color dripping down. Or perhaps it was her blood. It was hard to tell with subjuggulators.

She gave some long winded speech about their purpose and their importance to the empire, introducing herself as Mirthful Klarin. Kanaya, for one, listened attentively, although others had found some time to sleep. One of the fluke-infected, the one with burgundy blood, had pulled a book out of his sylladex and was reading it, occasionally making “Hmm,” or “Oooh” noises, simply to emphasize the fact that he was not listening.

Kanaya had learned that this ship was used specifically for the transport of various assisting classes, those not trained for direct combat, although they were expected to be deadly nonetheless, should the battlefield call for it. They were going to be subjected to several more tests and much further instruction while on the ship, to guarantee that they were proficient in their respective fields. There was a small amount of combat trainee's on board, though a negligible amount, as part of their training, while the ship was protected by a group of subjuggulators and ninjaquatics. Klarin emphasized that the support roles were absolutely necessary to the survival of the empire, if not as honorable as the combat roles. She gave an Alternian salute, left hand raised in a fist at her side, muscle flexed as if she were showing off, and stepped down. Approximately three-fifths of the block clapped. The boy reading had a violent coughing fit and glared at the speaker.

Another, a blueblood, took the podium. His horns were sanded to nubs. Kanaya found herself wondering about the story behind him. “You will call me Administrator Slaith,” he began, “If you have problems or questions, I am the man to ask. You will be assigned a blockmate based on profession and training. You are to support each other and report any failure on each other's behalf to me. Step to the right to be assigned. I hope you all become valuable assets to the empire, although some of you will certainly be culled for ineptitude.” He gave a salute and stepped down.

Another line. Kanaya found herself exhausted from all this standing in lines, but she revealed no sign of fatigue, keeping her posture straight and making small talk with the girl behind her, a future legislacerator. After what seemed to be sweeps, she was assigned block two sixty three.

Upon arriving in her block, she found her roommate already unpacking his meager belongings. Oh great. It was the burgundy fluke. She cleared her throat. “Excuse Me, I Believe I Am To Be Your Blockmate. My Name Is Kanaya Maryam.” The boy turned to her. This close, his eyes seemed much brighter than average, a bright, cherry red as opposed to rust. Kanaya assumed it was a side effect of his condition. He ran a hand through his curly white hair, before speaking in a raspy voice, as if he had recently been yelling, “Hey. Karkat Vantas. Sit down and listen, because I'm going to lay down some ground rules.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat is perfectly friendly and deals with new situations well.

“RULE NUMBER SIX, BE A DECENT FUCKING TROLL BEING. I DONT KNOW HOW HARD THATS GOING TO BE FOR YOU, BUT ID APPRECIATE A LITTLE EFFORT.” It didn't take Karkat long to find his voice. Kanaya had been listening patiently from rules one to five, and really, they were all reasonable requests, despite the delivery being less than gentle. “AND FINALLY, SEVEN. IF YOU TOUCH ME WITHOUT PERMISSION, YOU WILL BE FED THE OFFENDING CLAW.” Kanaya nodded her head, “Are You Quite Done?” Karkat sat back onto his bed, huffing gently. “Yeah, I guess. Look, sorry I had to bitch at you like that, but I grew up with some real dumbasses, and I wanted make sure one of my new dumbasses got the memo, okay?” Kanaya nodded again. “Of Course,” she said, “Though, May I Inquire, Which Branch Of Service Are You Going Into?” Karkat mumbled something beneath his breath.

“Excuse Me?”  
“PSYCHOTHERAPY, OKAY?”  
“Now, Now, No Need To Get Testy With Me. Although I Can See You Are Uncomfortable With Your Profession.”  
“OF COURSE I AM. I mean, who wouldn't be? I don't even get to fight. I just sit around talking to shitsponges who can't even handle the sight of blood, deciding if they'll get well enough or if we should just cull them where they stand.”  
“I, For One, Find It Admirable. Healing The Body Is Infinitely Less Complicated Than Healing The Mind.”

Karkat looked up at her. He was quite a bit shorter, and sitting on the cots emphasized this.   
“Bonecutter?,” he asked. Kanaya nodded again, “Yes. May I Ask, What Was Your First Choice Of Office?” Karkat let out a heavy sigh, looking away, “Threshecutioner. Fourth Cohort.” Kanaya almost put her hand on his shoulder, then remembered the final, and probably most important rule. Instead, she crossed her legs, leaning towards him. “To Be Fair, You Did Set Your Sights Rather High. Very Few Trolls Make It Among The Elites. I'm Sure It Would've Been A Hard Post To Maintain, Even With Your... Advantage.” Karkat looked up at her, confusion in his eyes. And then understanding. And then rage.

“YOU THINK I FUCKING ENJOY THIS? YOU THINK I LIKE LOOKING LIKE A DISEMBODIED SPIRIT, HAVING EVERYONE FUCKING STARE AT MY FREAKISH, MALFORMED PIGMENTATION? WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU ASYMMETRICAL GRASS STAIN. THIS SKIN? ITS FUCKING HELL. THIS BLOOD? ITS AN INVITATION TO THE RUINED CHILDHOOD CLUB. I GOT THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF ME MORE TIMES THAN YOUVE BEEN FUCKED BY SPLEENFOWL, AND ITS A GODDAMN MIRACLE I HAVENT BEEN KILLED YET.”

“I Just Meant-” but he was gone, stormed out of the room in a huff. Kanaya was hurt, agitated, and a bit angry with his outburst. What right did he have to talk to her like that? She almost wanted to chase him, hurt him, make him apologize. But she took a deep breath, regain her composure. She looked unaffected, but every beat of her heart was labored. They didn't have people like this in the desert. Those who traveled so far were grateful for her company, for a place to stay the day. She had never been insulted to such a degree, had her body made out to be a tragedy, her horns, her blood, she'd never been yelled at in such a way. Her pain was interrupted by a knock on the door.

At first, she thought it was Karkat. Perhaps he felt better already and needed to be let in. She could see his block key still on his cot. She answered the knock, fully ready to vent at the boy, but no one was there. She looked down. A package lay on the floor. Taking it in and opening it, she found it contained small packets of pills marked “Sopor Tablets”. Her face paled as she realized what the cots were for. Of course these sleep aids would far less costly than a recupercoon full of slime for every recruit, she told herself. And yet the admittedly soft material didn't seem very comfortable. She would've requested at least a few comforters, just to help keep the bed warm. She would have to see if there was some sort of shop on board, someplace to spent her caegars on a heating worm. She sat on her cot, dividing sopor pills up for herself and Karkat. They each got ten packets of seven. Was this to last the whole trip? To her understanding they were traveling to the edge of the empire, and the ships carrying new recruits tended to be slow. They should have at least twelve weeks ahead of them. She sighed and explored.

The block was of a somewhat decent size, comfortable for two people, at least. Beside each cot was a small end table, enough to store a few meager belongings. Kanaya tossed her pills into the drawer and paled when she realized her clothes would never fit into the cabinet. She suddenly regretted loving her craft. They had a small washing block, a load gaper, an ablution trap, and a reflecting glass. The basics. All in all, it wouldn't be too terrible, if a little uncomfortable. She was sure she'd get used to it with time.

 

Meanwhile, Karkat was huffing and puffing through the ship. Trolls would stop and stare at him as he passed, sometimes shouting less than kind commentary. Karkat, with a single finger, gave them a warm welcome. He didn't even notice the girl sneak up behind him.

“AND WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY LUSUS' VOMIT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?” More trolls were staring now, noticing his outburst. The girl danced away, grinning mischievously, “Just having a sniff, hehe. You have such a nice, brown smell. Are you a shitblood?” Her grin only seemed to get wider with every word, eyebrows furrowed above her glasses. “WELL SORRY TO DISA-FUCKING-POINT, BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO LOOK ME IN THE OCULAR ORBS INSTEAD OF BOTHERING ME ON MY PERFECTLY NICE STROLL, I DONT THINK YOU HAVE ANY BUSINESS KNOWING.” She took a few steps back, feigning hurt, “Oh, you horrible stranger! How could you pick on a blind girl so cruelly.” Karkat growled and spoke simultaneously, his oral and nasal vocal chambers vibrating, “YEAH, OKAY, JUST MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.”

He tried to storm off again, but the girl danced around him with the confidence of a seeing person, only occasionally bumping another troll and being shoved to the ground, always getting up. Karkat wanted to offer her a hand sometimes, but then she'd never learn to stay away. “Oh, come on, is that any way to treat a new friiiieeend?,” she sang.  
“Fuck off.”  
“But kind sir-”  
“Fuck off.”  
“Okay, fine, what's your name.”  
“Fuck off.”  
“Hi Fuck Off, I'm Terezi.”  
“Fuck off.”  
“So verbose.”  
“FOR FUCKS SAKE FUCK OFF.”  
“Now now, no need to show off your mastery over the Western Alternian Language, Mr. Fuck. Or would you rather me just call you Fuck?”  
Karkat let out a deep sigh and leaned against a wall. “Karkat,” he said. Terezi blinked behind her glasses. “What?,” she asked. “My name. It's Karkat Vantas. Now please, leave me alone.” Terezi giggled, “But you're so sweet to me!” Karkat growled again, this time throwing some clicks into the mix with the back of his throat. “Don't you have somewhere to be?” he asked through gritted teeth. Terezi giggled again, thoroughly enjoying the game. But alas, he had a point. She danced away, “As a matter of fact, Mr. Vantas, I do. I'm going to go meet my blockmate. Come visit me at block two sixty four. I'll keep the light on for you!” And like that, she was tapping away down the hall. Karkat let out a heavy sigh. He would've slumped down right there in the hall, but he didn't want to expose himself to all these trolls. And so he strolled back to his block, and to his probably pissed blockmate.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost everyone was asleep. There was a strict lights-out policy on the ship after 11:00 ACT. However, it seemed mostly enforced by ensuring everyone was in their block after said time. At the very least, no one was stopping Kanaya from staying up all night on her husktop.

Karkat slept rather unsoundly in his cot, tossing and turning. Perhaps it was the newness of this ship, or perhaps the sopor tablets didn't quite do their job. Whatever the case, Kanaya found herself watching him, his paleness almost glowing in the dark. How had he ended up like this? What was up with his blood? Kanaya wondered if he had somehow been unfortunate enough to contract both lusus fluke and some genetic disease, some mutation. She turned away, burying herself in her research.

She wanted to know more about him. She searched “Lusus Fluke”. The fluke is hatched in the stomach of the mother grub, where its larva finds its way into wigglers. When the wigglers hatch, all sorts of creatures come to feed of them, unknowingly infecting themselves with the fluke. The flukes remaining in the wigglers die off relatively soon. The lusus loses all pigment, and the fluke burrows it's way into the creature's head, giving it the overwhelming urge to raise troll young as one of their own. After troll pupation, they'll choose a young troll as theirs, judging them by scent, usually corresponding to blood color. They'll then raise that troll as theirs.

It would seem Karkat was living on borrowed time. Fluke-infected trolls typically die around thirty sweeps, regardless of bloodcaste. The fluke in them will die, and the troll's brain is forced to develop around the rotting corpse, the fluke's unique chemistry making it invisible to the immune system and therefore rejection. If he could make it past the thirty sweep mark, he was in the clear, it would seem.

She searched “Fourth Cohort, Twenty-seventh Legion”. The elite cohort of threshecutioners. Choosing those of any bloodcaste, the threshecutioners are a class all their own, second in might only to ruffianhilators. The Fourth Cohort are particularly skilled, a force employed by the Empress herself. The Cohort currently had fourteen members, seven of which were violet bloods, and five more were indigo. Karkat wouldn't have stood a chance. Besides, it only recruited those who had at least seven sweeps of combat experience. The entrance examination was brutal. The physical training was often fatal. He was insane for even thinking of it.

She searched “Blood Mutation”. Lime, Cabbage, Velvet blood. She found something similar to Karkat eventually. Candy blood. A simple pigment mutation, hiding the troll's proper bloodcaste. For all she knew, Karkat could be a purple blood, he could live practically forever, be working some nefarious psychic ability on her right now, unconsciously, in his sleep. Candy blooded trolls were wild cards. Of course, she had no way of knowing if he was a mutant. It's possible his bright eyes came from the fluke, after all.

 

The next night was grueling. They woke up at 16:00 ACT, Kanaya groggy and unkempt from her short rest. Karkat, on the other hand, seemed totally refreshed. He refused to make eye contact with her as he slipped into the washing block ahead of her. They were silent when they traded places.

Kanaya slipped on one of her glossier outfits, a nice jade dress held together with a pink sash. She had already gotten it on when Karkat looked up at her, bags under his eyes, still shirtless. “You can't wear that,” he said, “too damn flashy. You should know this. Change before you get yourself thrown into the void.” Kanaya gave him a polite nod, secretly irritated. _Be polite_ , she told herself, _he's had it rough_. “Thank You, Karkat.” She changed into the simplest outfit she brought, a bright red skirt and a black top. She showed off for Karkat, twirling. “Better?,” she asked. Karkat's eye twitched a little. She looked down. Candy red. “Marginally,” he said at last, throwing on a shirt he had lying around. “Come on, let's move before we miss the first meal.” Kanaya followed him out of the block. For some reason, they were walking together. She was a foot and a half taller than him, and he was the one who stood out. They looked ridiculous. 

They ate together in near silence. It seemed as if neither of them wanted to talk about what happened last night. Just as Karkat was finishing up his grubloaf, Kanaya opened her mouth. “So, Karkat, What Was Your Lusus Like?” Karkat glanced up from her, hunched over his tray. “An asshole. Why?”  
“Just Making Small Talk.”  
“Don't.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I'm pissed at you.”  
“You Seem To Get Pissed Often.”  
“Only when people won't mind their fucking business.”  
“Want To Talk About It?”  
“Are you listening to a word I'm saying? Besides, that's supposed to be my line, _bonecutter_.”  
“Are You Mad About Last Night?”

Silence. Karkat finished up his meal. “Karkat, Why Did You Choose To Walk With Me If You're So Cross With Me?,” Kanaya asked. Karkat set down his food stabber. Something was building up inside of him, Kanaya could see it. A low growl began in his throat. “Because, who else would walk with the freakshow?” And with that he changed tables, leaving Kanaya alone.

Just as well, as Administrator Slaith took the podium just then. He called the attention of the recruits and gave the salute, which was promptly returned. This time, he was joined by a snake lusus, draped over his body and over the podium, it's sheer length pouring out onto the floor of the stage. “Recruits,” he began, “I trust you all slept well for your first night. I'd recommend making your sopor pills last, as they're all you'll be getting for the rest of our journey. Schoolfeedings begin tomorrow. You will find schedules have been placed on your cots. It is recommended you do well on examinations and demonstrations, as failure at this stage is grounds for execution. That will be all. Enjoy your night.”

As soon as he stepped down, a din rose up in the block. Everyone was talking excitedly at once, and it was agitating the already addled Karkat and Kanaya. They both left to return to their block, once again walking moodily side by side.

 

“Are You Ready To Talk Yet?” Karkat rolled over in his cot. “Why do you want to talk about it so bad?” Kanaya looked him over before speaking, “Because You Are My Blockmate, And It Will Not Bode Well If We're Constantly At Each Other's Throats.” Karkat sighed.  
“Look, just don't talk about my... condition again, okay?”  
“Fair Enough. Now, What Else Is Bothering You?”  
“What makes you think something else is bothering me?”  
“You Were Pissy Before The.... Fight, I Suppose.”  
“That's just how I am. Stop meddling.”  
“I Think You're Lying.”  
“I'm not.”  
“Are You Mad You Are Going To Be A Psychotherapist?”  
“Of course I am. I've explained this to you.”  
“Do You-”  
“STOP. You keep to dissecting bodies, I'll dissect the brains. Look, I'll start now. You overstep boundaries like they aren't even there. You extend your olive branch too far. You probably get yourself hurt all the time and you're a nuisance to others. Calm the fuck down before someone has enough of your hoofbeastshit.”  
More silence. Perhaps this will be their normal. Arguments, mind games, and then silence. Kanaya certainly hoped not. It gave her a headache. “I'm A Nuisance?,” She asked. “The biggest nuisance I ever met,” he said, smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

Well, schoolfeeding was about what Terezi expected. She had a audio recording slug on her desk, taking in everything the lecturer said. She'd trim it all down later. Right now, her head was spinning. So many smells, so many sounds. The world flashed through her head in scent and sound and color and numbers. Somewhere something smelled red. Someone smelled green. The sound of pencils on paper translated into her mind as a constant series of twos and fours. She tried to focus on anything else. Vantas. He was sitting right next to her. She honed in on his smell, it smelled like some kind of plant, he smelled like a damn forest, but all she could see was brown. Wait, no. The foresty smell was a sky blue. The brown smell was underneath that, and it was calling to her. What the hell was it? Damn. Now she was aware of both of them, the blue and brown blending in a psychedelic slurry. She needed to focus on one. She chose brown. She leaned into him and was promptly pushed off.

Karkat was actually trying. No point in getting discharged then culled just because he couldn't bother to pick up a pencil. He took meticulous notes, rough, scratched Alternian covering the page. Why did he have to learn Criminal Psychology? It's not like he was going to treat criminals, after all. And to make matters worse, he had to deal with Pyrope. She was so needy and obnoxious. And why was she even trying to sniff him all the time? He said nothing. He didn't want to find out if the lecturer was the kind of guy to snip out tongues.

Kanaya had a more interesting class. They were reviewing cybernetics. She understood the basic principle; connect a robotic prosthesis to the central nervous system. In practice, however, it proved incredibly difficult and unpleasant. The patient could not the anesthetized, as the bonecutter required feedback from the nerves. It was delicate work, connecting dozens of minuscule wires to the spinal cord, and then sewing it shut in the most meticulous manner, designed specifically to prevent infection. Though surely one such as her, who had many sweeps experience of working with her hands, would have no problem with such work.

The lecturer's monitor in each schooling block went blank, before reanimating. There was no announcement, simply a camera trained on a young seadweller woman. She was standing in some sort of underwater arena, violet trolls watching from stands. She seemed incredibly nervous, a trident in her hands. A violet blood in a cape watched from a bench within the arena, staring at his hands, a rifle lying next to him. The camera zoomed out. The Empress entered. 

There was no fanfare. The crowd cheered with every blow as the Empress, unarmed, ripped this girl to shreds. She was kicked in the stomach, tossed through the water, telekinetically thrown into walls. The Condesce could've killed her with a single blow, but she played instead, reminding Karkat of some hellish feline, almost like a girl he knew back home. Her massive hair swirled in the water as if animated by some unholy force, fuchsia filled the water in clouds, drifting and diffusing into nothing. The girl struggled to swim, coughing a cloud of pink.

The Condesce planted her foot firmly on the girls neck, driving her into the dirt. The violet blood on the bench seemed to be crying, hand rested on his rifle. A strange light came into the girl's eyes. The Condesce lifted her foot. The girl rearranged herself, laying on her back, back arched and neck bared to the Empress. A trident appear the Empress's hands. With a sweep, the girl had her throat scratched out by malicious prongs. There was a mixture of cheers and screeches from the crowd, the violet boy collapsing in on himself.

The screen went black. A voice boomed, “The Heiress is dead. Long live the Condescension.” The various lessons returned. The lecturer's all took a seat, the classrooms talking excitedly. Kanaya sat in shock. She had known the violet boy. She had no idea. He had never said anything about knowing the heiress.

Terezi turned to Karkat, who for once in his life, was visibly excited, a huge grin across his face, actually bouncing a bit in his seat. The fight had gotten him pumped, he needed to move, needed _kill_. She could smell his sweat, his adrenaline, a tangled bundle of blue and green in her head. She frowned. “I feel I missed something really badass.”

 

Back in their block, Kanaya was clearly perturbed. Karkat was actually enjoying the peace and quiet, but there was a gnawing feeling in his gut he couldn't quite shake. Eventually, he turned to her. “Hey, you okay?” Kanaya looked up from staring at her hands the last five hours, blinking, as if she had forgotten he was there. “It Feels Like It Didn't Really Happen,” She said, finally.

“What, the heiress dying? I don't know, I thought it was pretty cool. It's a really historic event. Or, I mean, I guess these cotton candy would-bes die all the time, but you know what I mean.”  
“I Knew The Boy. You Saw Him. His Name Is Eridan Ampora.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yes, I Think Oh Is An Appropriate And Expected Reaction.”  
“Look, I'm sorry. Were... Were you a friend of the Heiress.”

Kanaya scoffed. “Hardly. I Didn't Even Know Eridan Was A Friend Of Hers.” Karkat laid on his back, “Seemed to be more than friends to me. There was some kind of pity going on there.”Apparently, it was Kanaya's turn to say oh. “Oh,” she said. Karkat cleared his throat, although it did not lose any of its rasp. “Could you really not see it?” Kanaya turned in her cot. “I'm Afraid I Don't Have Much Experience With Such Things.” They were both facing away from each other, staring at their respective walls. Somehow, it made talking about this easier. Kanaya hurt because Eridan hurt. Karkat hurt because Kanaya hurt. Neither of them could explain it, but they wanted to help their respective hurt-mates, coddle them until all sorrow, all pain, disappeared. “So you've never had a redmate?” Kanaya exhales heavily. “I Had A Moirail, Once Upon A Time. But We Drifted Apart After A Debate Over Another Of Her Lovers.” Kanaya shuddered. These blocks were kept so cold. She curled up in her blanket, exhausted. Today had been too much, being both the first day of class and a rather unfortunate event. “She sounds like a huge bitch who doesn't know what she had. You're actually pretty amazing, Kanaya, and if anyone makes you believe otherwise, I'll dissect their brains to death or some shit.” Kanaya smiled a little in her pillow. That was the first kind thing she'd heard since she boarded this ship.

Kanaya heard tin crinkling. She rolled over slightly to see Karkat pop a tablet in his mouth. As he lay back down, ghostly skin against midnight sheets, he turned to her. “You should get some sleep too. It would do you good.” He laid down, drifting into a deep, peaceful slumber almost immediately. Kanaya took her tablet and laid down. “Good morning, Karkat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be gentle with me. I've hardly slept the past few days. It finally got to me on this chapter. Expect them to actually be cute and not angsty soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Hi, I wrote this while I was extremely sleep deprived. Enjoy. Some cutes begin.

Kanaya came back from a rather interesting day of school feeding. It was all dissections and preparations. It would seem that the students were getting the opportunity to operate on live patients fairly soon. Kanaya wondered what it would be like. What would she be doing? Who will she maim and stitch and heal? I was all so exciting and new to her that she almost didn't notice something was off in the respite block.

Karkat was sleeping uneasily in her cot. She had known that he would be finishing class early today, but still couldn't wrap her head around his presence in her bed. She sat on the edge. He tossed and turned, fussy in his sleep. She looked at the pale hair falling in his face. She would really have to cut it for him; it was far too shaggy and unkempt. She idly pulled a knot from the nest before gently shaking him awake.

“Karkat,” she whispered. He woke easily, apparently unaided by sopor. He looked at her, drowsy anger on his face. “WHY IN THE NAME OF EVERY FAKE-ASS CLOWN GOD I EVER GOT THE DISPLEASURE OF BEING CALLED AN AFFRONT TO DID YOU DECIDE TO WAKE ME UP? AM I LATE FOR FUCKING SCHOOLFEEDING? DO YOU NEED TO PROTECT MY PRECIOUS MIND?” Kanaya was used to his occasional outbursts by now, although out in the corridors they seemed to be more than occasional, and simply sat on the edge of the cot, smiling down on him as he rested. “I Was Simply Wondering Why You Felt The Need To Sleep In My Recupercoon.” Karkat sat up groggily. “ITS NOT A FUCKING COON. WHATS IT MATTER, ANYWAY?” His face had a bit more color than usual, his paper white skin turning a bit pink. “The Question Still Stands, Karkat.” Kanaya tapped her foot gently, ready to stay up all day in order to draw the answers out of Karkat. He wrapped himself in her blanket, his voice raspy when he spoke, “Look, it's just.... I know you get cold. And I figured, well... I'm warmer than you... so, yeah.” Kanaya's heart skipped a beat. He was sweet. He worried about her. Her lusus was lightyears away and here was a boy she met days ago worrying about her and making sure she was okay. She kissed him on the top of his head, right between his horns. “Thank You, Karkat.” Karkat abandoned her sheets hurriedly and rushed to his cot in long, speedy strides, burying himself in the black sheets so he didn't have to look at her. “DONT MENTION IT. REALLY. NOT ONCE. FUCKING EVER.”

 

About two weeks passed like this. They would return to their block, Karkat would heat the bed, they would chat. He wasn't embarrassed around her anymore. He liked talking to her. He almost felt like he could tell her anything. Almost. He would see Terezi in the halls. She no longer constantly smelt him, but she would sometimes lean in when she thought he wasn't looking. There was something odd about her face every time, as if she were trying to decipher something.

Somehow, the three of them ended up in the Dining Block together. Terezi was trying to keep up a conversation as Karkat moodily toyed with his meal. “So, Kanaya,” Terezi began, “Why exactly did you decide to become a bonecutter?” Kanaya neatly wiped her face. She hated how awfully sloppy the food here could get. “Well, It Wasn't Really A Difficult Choice. I Can More Than Handle Myself In A Fight, But I Prefer Not To Get My Hands Dirty. And I've Found That I Have A Knack For Nurturing Life Where There Is Only Death. Not Many Trolls Can Get A Garden To Flourish In The Desert.” Terezi leans into Karkat. Something was so calming about him. Pushing her off, he said, “keep your sticky, genematerial covered claws to yourself, or I'm going to sit by Kanaya.” Terezi made a yapping motion with her hand, “But Karkles, I wasn't even using my claws! You have such a nice scent, too. Stop being so rude, Mr. Fuck Off.” Karkat rolled his eyes and Terezi got back down to business. “So, you garden?” Kanaya opened her mouth, “Yes, Among Other Thi-”

Karkat was lost in his grubsteak. There were some vegetables on his plate that he mostly toyed with, not really interested in eating. He wasn't sure where the mood came from, but he was doing a lot of thinking. His mind yo-yoed back and forth, a jumbled mess. His lusus was back on Alternia, hopefully not eaten yet. He was hoping to bring him along, but it seems that was a privilege for the upper classes. Although, maybe without him, Karkat could be a little more open. It was like that creature was bred specifically to hide his blood, not that he particularly wanted to share it. Somehow Nepeta had almost weaseled it out of him a few sweeps ago, an oversight his custodian was incensed by and never quite let him forget. He didn't see her for almost two perigees. It hadn't mattered then, why would it matter now? Surely they could see it in his eyes. Too bright, too red. A freak. He would always be a freak. No point in being a liar on top of that. He no longer lived in fear of culling. The Empire didn't really care about him. Not worth the resources to exterminate. Yeah, he'd be the last one to get attention in a crisis, but at least they wouldn't decapitate him on a public fucking platform. Yeah, he'll get the shit kicked out of him a few more times, but he could be one of those legends. The ghost with blood brighter than the sun. He shoved Terezi off. What was with this girl? She was always going on about his smell, always shoving snarky comments in his face like she's taunting him, telling him he's not the only bee with a sting. He fucking hated it. She's cute enough, outgoing enough, she would almost be one of those perfect little highblood sweethearts if she wasn't so damn obnoxious. Her laugh unnerved him. Her presence unnerved him. Everything about this place, these people, his whole damn life, made him uncomfortable. He remembers the time he went to the top of his hive and wondered what it would be like if he jumped. What would come next. If he died, would he be happy or gone? Eternal or erased? He never could pin why that one time impacted him so much. He did that often, sat on the bring of life and death while his nutrient sac played tug of war with his blood pusher. But just that one time. He redirected his train of thought. Back to coming out. Losing the hemoanonymity. Yes, most of them probably already know. But what if they just try to ignore it? What if he wore his freakish nature on his shirt, and suddenly none of them wanted anything to do with him? He finds his lusus, and it flees, not wanted to be near the living death trap. Terezi doesn't smell his collar every five seconds. Kanaya goes to sleep without a word. Why would he risk all that over something as pointless as what's in his veins? Except it's not pointless. That's who he is. That's all he'll ever be. Pushing a elongated seed pod around with his fork, he resolves to talk to Kanaya about it.

Kanaya. When did he decide he could talk to her? She's just his blockmate. She's nice, she's helpful, she's even shown him affection from time to time. But what did he feel for her? He's not going to lie to himself, he's seen enough shitty romcoms to sit down and let himself fall victim to that trope. He's going to be honest, he might be pale for her. Hell, he might be flushed for her. He got like this, sometimes, with other trolls. He wants to protect them. He wants to make sure they're eating properly. He wants to bandage up every little scrape they get. He's told it's a deformity, an accident, a part of his illness. He shouldn't care, not to that extent. But he just.... chooses people, somewhere in the back of his think pan, and he wants to coddle them until they're something better than he could have ever dreamed. She's the same way. She hasn't really had anything to protect him from, but he can tell in the way she watches him. If someone were to touch him, she'd have their horns mounted on the wall. What was her excuse? Sometimes, if he woke up during the day, he'd watch her. Just to make sure she was alright. It made him happy, calmer somehow, knowing that this amazing person was just one cot over, that in some ephemeral way, was there, and she was his. Or was she? Probably not. She was assigned to him. He was assigned to her. They didn't choose each other. This was just the fluke talking, his filthy mind looking for another way to get his heart broken.

Terezi had taken his fork from him in his reverie and was now directing one of his seed pods into the general vicinity of his face. “Choo, choo,” she mocked, “Here comes the interconnected cargo carriers!” Karkat ripped his fork away from her, screeching, “STOP THAT YOU FUCKING SIGHTLESS BURROWRODENT. CAN'T A MAN JUST FUCKING THINK WITHOUT YOU PULLING SOME DEMEANING FUCKING STUNT?” Kanaya reached across the table and put a hand on his, sandwiching it between the cool of the table and the cool of her claw. His thoughts stopped racing and he took the fork from Terezi, returning it to his tray.

Somehow, he thought this would work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me, dear readers, how often did I shift verb tense? Too much, most likely.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* ACTUAL PLOT???

Karkat woke up in the middle of the day. His head was throbbing, heavy with sopor. He felt like he was drowning in thick, sticky blood, heavy clots clinging to his lungs. He looked over at Kanaya. How she slept so peacefully. He wondered how she always slept so well, how her body never told her that something was happening, that some event she would never be a part of was happening while she slept. He felt like that all the time. So he laid there, watching her side rise and fall as she faced away from him, her normally perfect hair a spiky mess from washing it and lying down. He wondered what she dreamed about.

Kanaya took a step forward. It seemed she visited this place every time she fell asleep. Her light, soft shoes tapped gently on the sidewalk. An eclipse was coming. The local, those strange, ivory aliens, had boarded themselves up for the day, not willing to look their fate in the eye. She stared up, filling her eyes with the radiance of planet above her. The Alternian sun was brighter, but this star never burned. It was gentle and calm. She could watch herself and the moon drift closer, see the clouds grow and grow. In only moments, she was soaked in the visions, the landscape blurring and changing.

At first, the visions were sweet and gentle. A childhood friend walking for the first time in years. She saw herself holding his hand, the stumbling of his steps as he got used to his new prostheses. She smiled, joining her incorporeal counterpart in walking him to wherever he would be going. He did not notice her joining. The illusion was speaking, but to Kanaya, it sounded like garbled whispers, as if they were ghosts trying desperately to contact her, to no avail. They bent and distorted, fading into the next vision. It almost looked like they were crying in the twisted light, a joyous occasion turned bleak.

The clouds turned darker, the lights on the moon fading as she was shown the next image. The vision showed her a well-lit room, and yet it was as though she were shrouded in shadow. Eridan sat on a cot, not unlike those in her block. Another seadweller was screaming at him, a shadow blocking out a part of the room. “GET YOUR ASS UP AND MOVE. WE CANT HAVE YOUR LAZY, PITIFUL ASS SITTING HERE ALL FUCKING NIGHT. OH, YOU'RE SAD? BULLSHIT. IT'S YOUR FUCKING LIFE THAT'S SAD.” Eridan shook, choking back sobs. A pang shot through Kanaya's heart, sadness, quickly turning to anger. She gritted her teeth and watched, not understanding this level of cruelty. She was quickly finding herself exhausted, her emotions and mind being jerked from one place to another. A third figure entered, a landdweller, but apparently one of high prestige. She could only make out the glint of his medals on his uniform. He said something indecipherable before leaving hurriedly. The seadweller tossed a packet of papers onto Eridan's cot. Kanaya did not remember them being there before. “Get packed, sniffly. Your transfer starts tomorrow. Better hope the guy can fix you, or your ass is as good as culled.” He left, leaving Eridan to break down, whispering as he sobbed. “Better hope I am, or I'm comin for all your gills,” he threatened, wiping his nose with his palm, growling, “I'm gonna fuckin' kill all you motherfuckers.”

The shadow deepened, the lights of the room fading. She was in some sort of storage block now, heavy crates stacked high. The room was poorly lit, although there was a group of trolls holding lighting cylinders, the grubs inside slowly wriggling their luminescent rears from the safety of the plastic cylinder. One by one the lights were directed to the top of a crate, where a highblood sat, face paint smeared, eyes bloodshot, dark blue staining the club in his hand. A long-haired troll spoke, making anxious clicking noises, “Please, leave him to me. He will listen to me, I'm sure of it.” There was some murmured discussion between his companions before they turned and left, leaving the door open, but no doubt lingering just out of sight. The light from the corridor shone on the two remaining trolls. Kanaya glanced up. The light bulb had been shattered, sharp glass glinting in the scant light, threatening any foot that dare tread unprotected. “Highblood,” he said, voice gravelly and rough, “Please, you cannot do this. You will be executed, although if you were to stop now they may take mercy on one as noble as yourself. We could call it a lapse in judgment.” The purple blooded troll jumped off the crate, thudding heavily onto the floor. The room was alive with hissing and clicking, which continued as he spoke. “Nah, listen Zahhak, I know you know I know you know the fuckin virtues,” he said, taking a step forward, the hiss giving way to a growl that echoed, drowning the room in an almost tangible fear. He took another step forward. Zahhak took a step back. “MIRTH AND MURDER. And I guess I done went and ran out of Mirth.” It was as if he flew towards the long hair troll, corner him between two crates and his body before Kanaya could process what happened. “Highblood, please, I wish only for your safety....” The troll was sweating. The highblood slipped Zahhak's sunglasses off his face, and Kanaya could see a deep blue in his eyes. The purple blood put on the shades and spoke, a long, creaky drawl, “But I didn't just up and all use the mirth, I didn't just gobble the mirth like a wiggler that done got it's starvin on, did I? No, that's not what I'm thinkin happened.” The blue blood flinched as the highblood leaned over him, trapping him in his arms, screeching, “NO! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS KILLED IT. AND NOW....” Kanaya did not notice the armed troops enter the block, watching the frightful scene intently. “I... Am going... To motherfucking kill... You motherfuckers.” He laughed as gunshots rang out, painting the crates and floors purple.

Two visions blurred together, making it impossible to tell what was what. Was Terezi standing, watching, or were her eyes being gouged out on a table? Was Karkat being killed? His back was flayed open, red pouring out. She could see his spine. Robotic eyes stared out at her from the shadows, servos whirring as they glanced at her. Terezi was cackling. A long, white worm flew above her head, undulating maliciously, burning on a searing white lamp, almost as bright as the sun, it's pale flesh turning brown, then red, as if it had only been tanning a bit too long. Terezi was laid back on a slab, a surgical slab, or a mortuary one. Teal was everywhere, on her clothes, running down her face. Kanaya saw herself, weeping, face contorted with sadness and rage, red covering her hands. So much red. Terezi played with it as it dripped from Karkat's wounds. Kanaya, the fake Kanaya, revved up a small, circular saw and plunged it into Karkat's back. Kanaya screamed, Karkat screamed, the white worm's corpse uncoiled itself from the light and screamed, and Terezi giggled, screaming, “CHECK IT OUT!”

Karkat was just drifting off again when he saw Kanaya toss and kick her feet in her sleep. “Huh,” he thought, “maybe she doesn't sleep so peacefully after all.”

 

Kanaya stared forward during schoolfeeding the next day. The dream was seared into her mind. They were discussing the structure of the eye. The lecturer, a particularly gaunt olive blood, spoke on and on about ocular orbs. “Surface-dwelling species, including trolls, have an extra layer of the eye, partially covering the cornea and sclera. This film is the yellow part of our ocular orbs and is open above the pupil and iris. The pigment of this layer protects the eye from accidental contact with sunlight, and can turn a dark brown in trolls who spent too much time out during the day. If sufficiently damaged, the layer will turn a deep red and never recovers, resulting in permanent loss of sight.” “It is worth noting,” she continued, “that in those with pigment disorders, the ocular orb will often be a sickly yellow color. You may notice it in the fluke-infected trainees on this ship.” Kanaya thinks about Karkat, about his complexion and his blood. She raises her hand and the lecturer nods at her. “How Does The Empire Treat Those With Pigment Disorders? Are They Not Typically Culled?” The lecturer sighs, loathing the existence of students. “It depends on the disorder. Genetic mutations are nearly always culled. Those who obtained their illness later in life will often be spared, provided they do spread the infection.”  
“And What Of Blood Pigmentation Disorders?”  
“They are typically overlooked and are eventually made into slaves. They are restricted in their breeding privileges. The only non-hemospectrive bloods that are culled upon hatching are lime, due to their sickly and generally unpleasant nature. As I'm sure you're aware, Ms. Maryam, jade bloods were once considered mutants and forced into the brooding caverns, as well as made subject to genetic testing and experimentation. It was only through an increase in population and brave, admittedly foolish, activism that they were given their spot on the hemospectrum.”  
The bell rang. The lecturer seemed the most eager to leave. “Your examinations will arrive shortly. Be prepared to operate next week. Pick out a packet as you leave the room; they are on the schooling seat-table combination.”

Kanaya took her packet without looking, eager to return to her room and relax, forget the nightmare and hope none if it ever came to pass. She stopped in the corridor, noise surrounding her. Trolls brushed pass her, some stopping to stare at her for stopping and staring. Her patient was to be Tavros Nitram. He was in her childhood, and in her dream.

Karkat sat up abruptly in class. He had fallen asleep. He had no idea what was going on. The lecturer scowled as he placed two paper packets on his desk. People he would be treating during his stay on board the Gray. One was arriving soon, in only a few days. One, a highblood he faintly recognized, would be arriving in about a week and a half. Tavros Nitram and Eridan Ampora. He realized class was over, that people were leaving. He got up and wandered out. Terezi was waiting for him in the hall.

“Hello, Kaaaarkaaaat,” she croaked. He sighed, “WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK WOULD YOU WAIT OUT HERE FOR ME? ARE YOU STALKING ME? DO I NEED A RESTRAINING ORDER? YES, OFFICER, THIS STRANGE WOMAN HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME AROUND, INSISTENT ON STICKING HER KNIFE OF A NOSE INTO MY HAIR AT EVERY TURN. AS I SLEEP I WONDER IF I WILL AWAKEN TO JAGGED FEARFISH TEETH NIBBLING AT MY CHITINOUS WIND CHUTE.” Terezi frowns theatrically. “Okay, that was a bit overdone, even for you. Are you forcing yourself to be an asshole now? Have you run out of sincere rage? Are you using it all up on someone? Is she prettier than me?” Karkat clenched his fists. “What. Do. You. Want?” Terezi giggled again. “I want to walk my friend to class! Is that too much to ask, Mr. ShitBrown?” Karkat sighed, “I'm going to my block. Come on.”

They walked, talking of practical examinations. When they arrived, Terezi skipped in first. She was the first to see Kanaya curled up in a ball on her cot. Her laughter cut off Kanaya's crying, and her crying cut off Terezi's laughter.


End file.
